Category Archives: Life

2011 Year in Review

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I hope you’ve had a peaceful and productive 2011 and are looking forward to new opportunities in the new year.

The last year of my life has been simply amazing.  I just feel so full of life and am looking forward to amplifying these effects as the new year emerges.

The super duper short version of my going’s on:

  • Fell in love with sailing
  • Joined the citizenship of Burning Man
  • Traveled to the magical lands of New Zealand and Australia for the Rugby World Cup
  • Left Sotheby’s to join Coldwell Banker
  • Started development on 3 pieces of software
  • Directed InternetCE.com in getting approved in California
  • Increased the search ranking position of several companies
  • Agressively pursued happiness

Now for the expanded expanded made for TV version:

  • Sailing – I wrote a lengthy passage here about my latest passion, however this quote from E.B White sums it up:
    “If a man must be obsessed by something, I suppose a boat is as good as anything, perhaps a bit better than most. A small sailing craft is not only beautiful, it is seductive and full of strange promise and the hint of trouble. If it happens to be an auxiliary cruising boat, it is without question the most compact and ingenious arrangement for living ever devised by the restless mind of man–a home that is stable without being stationary, shaped less like a box than like a fish or a girl, and in which the homeowner can remove his daily affairs as far from shore as he has the nerve to take them, close hauled or running free–parlor, bedroom, and bath, suspended and alive.”
  • Burning Man – I shared my thoughts on the event here.  Wiith out hesitation, I feel this event is the most creative, bizarre, welcoming, nonjudgemental, and industrious I have ever known.  I’ll go back.
  • Rugby World Cup – I organized a tour for 9 friends I have played rugby with over the years to visit the footy motherland, New Zealand.  I share all the details fit for print here.  We also spend a bit of time in Australia, which was cool.
  • Real Estate – I left Sotheby’s International Realty, after nearly 5 years, to join Coldwell Banker.  It is safe to say that the company I joined in late 2005 is a very diferrent one that Ieft earlier this year.  I still apreciate the competence and friendship of many co-workers that remain with Sotheby’s and have much gratitude for the opportunity to have worked with them.  WIth all of in mind, I am also thankful to have been invited to join Coldwell Banker and to continue to be called on to advise on the transfer of properties in Los Angeles.
  • Software – With 6 years behind me in the real estate game (lease, residential, land, and commercial), I have realized several opportunities that can be achieved through software.  Although the programs are still in private beta, I am happy to share them with anyone that might be interested.  I sincerely believe that they, independently and collectively, will change the way real estate is traded.  To say that I am excited about these developments is an understatement.
  • InternetCE – Over the past 5 years, I have helped bring my family’s company online.  A major milestone reached this past year was getting approved to sell our courses in the state of California.
  • SEO – Search engine optimization became an interest with the development of InternetCE.  Understanding how to get the most out of Google is important for every business and I find the process very interesting and challenging.   I’ve enjoyed having been able to help several companies achieve more from search and I’m happy to do a free audit for you, if you’d like to learn more.
  • Happiness – Pursuit of happiness has come to the forefront of my focus.  Not to say I haven’t enjoyed my life thus far, but I am putting much more intention into making sure that my actions are aligned with what I know makes me happy. In an effort to plan and record these actions, I created a Life List, which was public when I first wrote it.  I have since redacted it.  Got keep em guessing a little, right?

I am amazed at the surprises life brings.  I am fascinated by the world around me.  I am in love with learning.

“Stay hungry.  Stay Foolish.” ~ Steve Jobs

Here’s to 2012!  Let’s make a good one, shall we?

Take good care,

Aaron

ps – If it’s been longer than you are comfortable with since we last spoke, for pete’s sake, call me!
pps – You are the most important person in this universe.  Don’t lose sight of that.

Life List

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A trip to the desert, a trip to southern hemisphere, and a rather solemn birthday got me thinking.

I asked myself, “Aaron, what makes you happy?”

So, then I started writing.

Then I searched around the net a bit for inspiration.

Then I played a little basketball, had some supper, wrote some more, and took a nap.

In the end, my friend Danny Dover’s site – Life Listed, was all the inspiration I needed.  He has put together a nice frame work with which to create your own list.

I wrote down all of the experiences that have made me happy in the past.  I also wrote down a bunch of things that I think would be really cool in the future.  I then gave a good measure of thought to when would be reasonable to complete it.

Here is my life list.

Having a list like this where I can see it frequently and also in public will help me with my decision making process.  It’ll be good for making sure the tasks I am doing every day are aligned with the experiences I wish to accomplish in my life.

Burning Man 2011

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It was unbelievable for me.  I will go back.

The people I experienced this conglomeration of ideas and expressions with were brilliant and I’m ever grateful for being invited and so warmly welcomed, especially Doug Campbell.

Our camp, The Institue (camp map), fused the souls of physicists, scientists, writers, software developers, biologists, chemists, painters, doctors, engineers, tradesmen, artists, mathematicians, dancers..free spirits that were driven to express themselves..

The Phage and Langton Labs hosted science talks every night that were standing room only.  False Profit threw one hell of a party on Tuesday.  Flaming Lotus Girls burned it down on Friday.

Langton Labs produced this acclaimed time lapse of the entire event.

Burning Man has 10 Principles, wherein each of its attendees pledge to live by.  The adherence by Black Rock City citizens to these ideals contributed to BM being included in Time Magazines list of Civilization’s 100 Most Important Sites.

I sincerely appreciate this way to live.

  • Radical Inclusion - Anyone may be a part of Burning Man. We welcome and respect the stranger. No prerequisites exist for participation in our community.
  • Gifting - Burning Man is devoted to acts of gift giving. The value of a gift is unconditional. Gifting does not contemplate a return or an exchange for something of equal value.
  • Decommodification - In order to preserve the spirit of gifting, our community seeks to create social environments that are unmediated by commercial sponsorships, transactions, or advertising. We stand ready to protect our culture from such exploitation. We resist the substitution of consumption for participatory experience.
  • Radical Self-reliance - Burning Man encourages the individual to discover, exercise and rely on his or her inner resources.
  • Radical Self-expression - Radical self-expression arises from the unique gifts of the individual. No one other than the individual or a collaborating group can determine its content. It is offered as a gift to others. In this spirit, the giver should respect the rights and liberties of the recipient.
  • Communal Effort - Our community values creative cooperation and collaboration. We strive to produce, promote and protect social networks, public spaces, works of art, and methods of communication that support such interaction.
  • Civic Responsibility - We value civil society. Community members who organize events should assume responsibility for public welfare and endeavor to communicate civic responsibilities to participants. They must also assume responsibility for conducting events in accordance with local, state and federal laws.
  • Leaving No Trace - Our community respects the environment. We are committed to leaving no physical trace of our activities wherever we gather. We clean up after ourselves and endeavor, whenever possible, to leave such places in a better state than when we found them.
  • Participation - Our community is committed to a radically participatory ethic. We believe that transformative change, whether in the individual or in society, can occur only through the medium of deeply personal participation. We achieve being through doing. Everyone is invited to work. Everyone is invited to play. We make the world real through actions that open the heart.
  • Immediacy - Immediate experience is, in many ways, the most important touchstone of value in our culture. We seek to overcome barriers that stand between us and a recognition of our inner selves, the reality of those around us, participation in society, and contact with a natural world exceeding human powers. No idea can substitute for this experience.

Intertwined with and beyond these tenets of Burning Man is an underlayment of it being a do-acracy, whereby you can do anything you want, but YOU will be responsible for that project and YOU will be its champion.  No one else.

I was totally excited about visiting Burning Man for the first time this year and have a policy about being invited to a party – you never go with both arms the same length!  In other words, you bring some thing..given all of the cool things members of my camp had built in past years, I felt obligated to contribute ‘something’.  A bike rack it would be!  Along with the help of Holden Bonwit and Dan Busby and the gracious allowance of space from Syyn Labs, I crafted a rather shoddy portabicicletas .   Hannah Montana high tops and all, it worked.  It worked well and i was pleased.

It collapsed from nearly 3 feet down to approximately 4 inches with the removal of a couple bolts.  Sweet.

I also built a hexayurt.  Using this blueprint, I built a temporary home.  I also added air conditioning.  Using a duct fan, a honda accord air filter, and several angle ducts, my living quarters were a pressurized with clean air all week.

I decorated the inside with christmas lights and covered them and the walls with completely with white t-shirt fabric (bummer I do not have a pic).  A tarp was used underneath the structure and taped on the outside to prevent any dust from entering and carpet softened it up on the inside.  An air mattress with Sesame Street comforter and couple milk crates rounded out my living quarters.

Having the yurt provided a couple much enjoyed benefits:

  1. Dust free, dark, and cool during the day
  2. Warm and insulated from the wobble wobble (bass), to some degree, at night
  3. Refuge when I needed it

Thank you Megan Dobro and Steph Goralnick for capturing these amazing photographs.

Click on the photos to advance the slideshow

and more here – http://www.flickr.com/photos/sgoralnick/sets/72157627620556706/show/

All in all, Burning Man was good for me. Thanks again to all that shared it with me.

Sailing takes me away

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It was about 10:30am and I was losing sight of land, in light of the fog, when I realized I had not checked out any..ANY of the structural integrity.

My heart sank for a few moments as I scrambled from the bow to the stern and back again visually inspecting all of the lines, shrouds, and any other visible bolts that I could find.

From first inspection, everything looked great, however I was over 3 miles from shore and had 27 ahead of me.

Lea, my girlfriend, had gone below to take a nap and I was at the helm alone.

“What on earth had I done?”, I asked myself.

I realized I loved to sail when I met my neighbor and he would take me sailing on his 30′ Catalina over 6 years ago.  It was awesome. He was a master sailor and really knew his stuff.  He is also pretty fun to hang with, so that made the experience even more enjoyable.

Sailing on a bigger boat brought back memories of spending time on Lasers and Sunfish in Boyscouts as a kid.  It also recalled visions of pirates and adventure, as I spent coutnless hours aboard my Dad’s Jon boat in the warm waters of the Cape Fear and making the voyage across the Inner Coastal Waterway around the islands of Wrightsville Beach.

I decided it was something I wanted to pursue more so in December of 2010 I took my Basic Keel Boat certification so that I could charter boats and learned more of the nuances of sailing a small vessel in the ocean.  Passing the course was easy, but I knew that in order to really learn, I must get on the water.

I posted ads on Craigslist to crew on any vessel that would have me and I visited a couple of the yacht clubs to post the same on their community boards.  I also posted an ad in the Mariner, the local marine rag, for Marina Dey Rey, that I was an able crew member and was keen to help on any vessel.

Not one response. Yet..

My anniversary was coming up and to celebrate, I decided to charter a 25′ Cal Jensen sailboat to take to Catalina Island.  The week before, I met with the fellow that owned the boat to take her for a sail.  I wanted to make sure that I could single hand it, as Lea wasn’t a sailor and would rely on me to make it happen.  Everything was easy and I was able to guide her through the water.  We took it out on a Wednesday afternoon.  I gave him $150 deposit and shook his hand, looking forward to taking her out over the weekend in a couple weeks.

On a whim, I posted an ad on Craigslist stating that I wanted to purchase a starter boat, not really sure what might come of it.

On the week before our get away, I got a call.

The fellow frantically pleaded with me to come buy his boat.  He had bought a sail boat at auction in Long Beach the week before and single handed it (sailed alone) to Marina Del Rey.

But that wasn’t the whole story, I would soon learn.

He didn’t know how to sail.  He had no navigation equipment.  It was a small craft advisory.

Ultimately, he spent nearly 40 hours at sea, through the night, as he had missed Marina Del Rey on his trip north and sailed through the night.  He ripped the main sail and finally resorted to calling the coast guard to help him bring it in the harbor.  His plan was to dock it at the public docks and then go find a slip, however he was unable to get a slip due to his own situation, that I am not completley aware of.

In any event, he had 2 days to get it off the public docks (they have a 7 day per month maximum that one is able to keep their boats at the public dock) or else he would have to go back to sea to another marina.

He did not want to go back to the blue water.

I called a dear friend, Don Varner, that I’d been keeping abreast of my goal to buy a boat and he said he wanted in.

He and I met the owner of the vessel on Wednesday afternoon to take her out and it was great.  She seemed like she was in great shape.  A bit dirty, but everything seemed to work fine.  We ran the motor and the engine.  We raised all of the sails.  We jibbed and tacked.  We turned on the lights.  I even took a pee in the commode at sea and it flushed like a charm.

We couldn’t believe it when he said his price, but our trust in him grew when we gave him a penance and he handed us the pink slip at 2pm the next day.

Un-fucking-believeable!  We were out of our heads.

I was approved for a slip at Bar Harbor in Marina Del Rey, which is an older anchorage.  It hasn’t been updated in a many a moon, but it has a pool, and a jacuzzi and a sauna..and its cheap!  Trouble was, we couldn’t move the boat in until we had transfered the title at the DMV, which wouldn’t be open until Monday and the boat needed to be moved off the public dock by 12 noon the next day.  I was hell bent to be gone shortly after sunrise.

Thursday afternoon was spent casually cleaning her up and packing her with any supplies we thought might belong.

Extra rope. Tupperware.  Towels. Basic tools. Binoculars. Flares. VHF Radio.  Topped off fuel cans.  The list grew and we delivered.

Lea would turn up around 10pm that Thursday night with all kinds of tasty food she had cooked for the trip.  Chili from Lauren’s recipe.  Spaghetti. Canned goods and water.  Snacks and PB & J materials.

We were ready!

With my pal, Don, I was the proud owner of a boat!  My first boat :)

She came without a name, so I had no reservation naming her what I wished..

Delphyne

1973 27′ Catalina Sailboat + 4 bags of sails

8hp Mariner Outboard Engine + SeaEV Electric Drive Inboard Motor

Flat screen TV/DVD. Waterproof handheld VHF Radio. Rail BBQ.

Tons of extra ropes.  Tons of extra gear.

The list could be really long, but its fair to say we picked up a solid boat with all grades of extras for next to nothing.

We never did get a chance to wash her properly, so on the way out of the marina @ 8am, I stopped at the fuel dock and gave her a spray with the hose they had laying there.

I would then show Lea how to power the electric drive and stear her, should the worst happen and I fall over board.  I really think it would suck to lose my balance and take a dive only to watch my boat drift away..

She did great and off to the blue water we went.

We relished in the acquisition for an hour or so!  We drank a cup of coffee and bundled up to fight off the crispness of the morning that had rolled in, but that was lifting.  Easing into the comfort of the boat, Lea finally decided to take a nap and went below.

About 30 minutes later, I realized I was in the Pacific Ocean  and had not looked over any of the important stuff on this vessel.  Sure, it looked good and showed well, but could she sail?  Was she fit to travel 30 miles?

I found solace in knowing that while she had suffered a ripped main sail (it was replaced), she did carry the previous owner in a Small Craft Advisory nearly 200 miles with no other damage.  The seas were also calm and I knew how to use the radio, should the unthinkable transpire.

I relaxed.  Then I relaxed some more.  Then I relaxed even more.

It was glorious.

Words can not articulate the experience.

She, the sea, does what she wants, at her will.  I had tools of course, to take advantage of her gifts ~ the current, the sun, and the wind, but I must say that the Dolphins that were swimming along beside and around and underneath our boat are a bit better equipped to work with her force.  It was and is a humbling experience.

I sailed on.

The wind died a bit toward the middle of the morning, thus we motor sailed most of the way, but all in all, Delphyne did nearly her hull speed at 6 knots.  We made the 30 mile passage in 5 hours flat.

After radioing Two Harbors to be assigned a mooring, we nailed it on the first try and were rocking gently in the calm waters of 4th of July Cove 30 minutes later.

We cracked a beer and enjoyed a sandwich.

Life is good!

Then it got better.

The cove was relatively empty, apart from a handful of other boats spaced generously about the cove, however dinghy after dinghy started bringing jolly folks to the yacht club just beyond the stern of our ship.  Then the shore boat brought a whole gang of folks to the party.

Then, “Pilot Skiff”, responsibly carried prize cargo to dock and as she passed, the maiden of the ship casually asked, “Are you guys alone?  Would you like to come to my wedding tomorrow?”

Uhh.  Yeah.  We’ll come to your wedding.  We’ll eat your yummy food and dance to fabulous music and embrace in the joy of a wedding.

However, this would be no ordinary wedding..

We accepted and the bride to be instructed us to be there at 2:30pm in order to celebrate the entire event.

Done!

We rested and ate and enjoyed the silence of the sea.  Lea and I felt at peace with the world.  Its a bit strange the way it feels to be encapsulated in a ship, where one’s bed is nearly at the water line.  For us it felt like home.

I tossed a bit, but got a good nights sleep.

At sun up, I was ready!

I made a pot of coffee using a tea pot and the BBQ Grill, scrambled some eggs and fried some sausage, and heated up some black beans for good measure.  It was a proper breakfast indeed and Aaron was happy.  I then called for the shore boat and he promptly picked me up, such that I could fuel up my outboard and take the small bit of trash I’d accumulated to shore.  I smiled my way through the little village of Two Harbors and bought a few staples from the Camp Store.

Back on the boat, I had a sandwich, read for a bit and fell into a nap.  Wonderful!

I awoke to Lea looking hot in a leotard top and jeans with striking eye makeup.

“What’s gotten into you?  Why so fancy?”
“It’s a pirate wedding and they said to dress the part..”
“Ohh”

I did my best with a a pair of Carhartds, a plaid shirt and one of hers on my head, plus a bit of eyeliner for authenticity and off to the island we went.  Yes, we were under dressed, alas, they prepared for ordinaries like us and before we got off the gangplank to get on solid ground someone pointed out the costume tent.  Much to our delight and surprise, inside we would find everything we needed.  In walked normal people and out walked bonafide pirates!

Up the rest of the dock structure we would meet others from the party and exchange “Arrrrgggggg!!” and “Behold! A fellow scallywag!!!” or “Arrrr Beee Darrrrr”.  It was great..

But we couldn’t quite figure it out.  Why was everyone sooo piratey??

Aaron – “So how did you make your way to the wedding party?”

Anyone I didnt know – “LARPING”

Aaron’s face – “???”

After much prodding, which took them disgruntily away from the moment:

A live action role-playing game (LARP) is a form of role-playing game where the participants physically act out their characters’ actions. The players pursue goals within a fictional setting represented by the real world, while interacting with each other in character. The outcome of player actions may be mediated by game rules, or determined by consensus among players. Event arrangers called gamemasters decide the setting and rules to be used and facilitate play.

This entire group…everyone, were LARPers.  Amazing! The night just took a new turn and it was now on!

The father, dressed as the Dread Pirate Robert’s ‘The Princess Bride’, married the couple.  Cannon’s punctuated the ceremony.  Mead and merriment was to be had by all.  Late into the evening we made our way back to Delphyne a little drunk and very happy with life.  We dance alone on the bow of the boat.  We drank more wine.  We went to sleep..well, I’m leaving out some parts, but you get the idea.  It was grand!

Sunlight would wake us and again, I was ready for the high seas..and she was ready for me.  I left our mooring in haste to find 25 knot winds and 3-5 foot seas, outside the protected harbor.  30 minutes later I would discover that the wind was to much for my old sails and I was developing a a large lateral tear in the middle of my Genoa (head sail).  It must be changed.

“Lea, I’m powering up the engine.  Take the helm and keep us pointed into the wind.  I’m going aboard the deck to change the sail.”

She did a fantastic job while I took the genoa off, stowed it, and replaced it with a storm job.  Everything was just right and as I took my seat at the helm ready to trim the sails, we stopped moving forward.

Fuck!

Turns out, that just before I took the helm, the port side sheet (line that controls the job) had fallen overboard and gotten entangled in my prop.

Not a very good situation.  I was 50 meters from the rocks, unable to sail away in light of my controlling lines around my prop and unable to motor away in light of the same.

Lesson learned: keep lines inside the boat

I called the harbor patrol and they were there in no time flat.  Quickly gave me a tow back to the calm waters of the cove, and even called upon an old friend that was diving nearby to give me a hand to untangle my lines.  15 minutes later we were all good, but ready for a beer none the less.

This particular cove was completely empty and we enjoyed the silence.

The day would pass slow as ever and a solid sleep would follow.

The following morning I was ready for the sea and anything she would throw at me.  Everything, and I mean everything, stowed.  Storm jib hanked on.  Life vests on.  Radio in pocket.  I wasn’t taking any chances.

Seems like the sea knows these things and this time she wasn’t quite so angry.  It was hot and beautiful.  I sailed without motor and 7 hours later we were back in Marina Del Rey.

Since I bought that boat, not more than 3 days has gone by without my greeting her with a smile.  Between responsibilities at work, I read sailing forums and blogs and ebooks on what to do when.

I’ve sailed her in the morning, in the afternoon, and at night.  With lots of friends and alone.  With only by what I see and only by instruments and a compass.  Motored around the harbor and tacked 12 times to get out.  Done man over board maneuvers at sea.

I am completely fascinated.

I told my parents that I intended to sail around this globe in about 3 years about a year ago, so as far as I am concerned, I am on schedule.

I’ve been fortunate to sail aboard Deerfoot II, a 74′ Sloop, with Stanley Dashew.  He’s an inspirational man, both in business and at sea and the boat has circumnavigated the globe a number of times.

I’ve been invited to crew on a race boat.  A ridiculous race boat!  The Wednesday night sailing series sails out of the California Yacht Club and is a ton of fun.  I have to work my ass off and bring beer..tough life.

Bravura is a 44′ Farr.  She’s fast as hell sailing into weather (toward the wind) and usually takes a crew of 10.  Given a rank just above whale shit, I usually get stuck grinding (manning the wenches).  I couldn’t be happier.  The nuances of sail trimming and navigation I am learning being on a boat that wins if we can sail a 1/2, a 1/4, a 1/10th of a knot faster than the next guy is amazing.

As I write this, I am preparing to crew a 54′ Hunter to La Paz, Mexico in 3 days time.  From what I understand, the sail is a dream.  Sailing downhill (wind at one’s back) the whole way with warm water and awesome fishing.  And I get paid to do it.  I can’t believe it.

I never really saw it coming and certainly not so fast.  However, I am learning to know myself a bit better these days and the wilderness and fairness of the sea is something that I resonate with very well.  I am committing myself to becoming a student of her tools.

I look forward to sharing my boat with those close to me and can’t wait to get on the water again soon.

“If a man must be obsessed by something, I suppose a boat is as good as anything, perhaps a bit better than most. A small sailing craft is not only beautiful, it is seductive and full of strange promise and the hint of trouble. If it happens to be an auxiliary cruising boat, it is without question the most compact and ingenious arrangement for living ever devised by the restless mind of man–a home that is stable without being stationary, shaped less like a box than like a fish or a girl, and in which the homeowner can remove his daily affairs as far from shore as he has the nerve to take them, close hauled or running free–parlor, bedroom, and bath, suspended and alive.”

E.B. White

Helping

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It was 6:32pm.

I was sitting at my computer writing.

I heard a small screech, a couple loud thumps, and then a really loud crash as my building shook.

I knew what had happened.  It happens every few days at my house, but just not to this degree.

There was a wreck outside my house on Pacific Ave.

I rushed downstairs and ran as fast as I could around the corner to help.

An SUV had been traveling north on Pacific Ave. had jumped the curb, taken out 2 street signs, a few trees in front of my place and slammed head on into my neighbors house.

No skid marks.  Full on at probably around 50mph, which is how fast the cars travel down this stretch of road.

I was the first person on the scene and I assessed the scene.  The vehicle did not look as though there was fire danger so I approached the car to find the man driver convulsing and seizing, still in the harness.

I got certified as an EMT last year and the training came back quick.  I knew I needed to stop his head from moving as he very likely had a broken neck so I opened the rear door and tried to hold his head to secure his cervical spine.  As I began, other people came over to help and I told the first person, Simon (my neighbor), to take my place so that I could asses him.  We made the transfer and I began to check him out.  He was sweating profusely and bleeding from his forehead.  He began to seize harder and we were unable to hold him still.  He wasn’t responding to verbal or painful (rubbing the chest) stimuli and his eyes we uncontrolled.  Ultimately, his seizures became so violent that we were forced out of the car.  I continued to stay by his side and try to communicate with him as he he came and went.


Ultimately, the paramedics got there and then the cops and then the crash truck and the wrecker and about 30-40 congregated around.  Camera men were taking pictures and traffic was at a standstill on Pacific, where rush hour had it packed to the brim with the entire north bound lane shut down.  They had it under control.

They got him on a stretcher and our of there as quickly as possible.  That made me feel good.  That they were there to help.

I walked back in my house.  I paced in circles for a few moments and I called my roommate to tell him.  My rugby coach called as he had driven past the house and explained in a voice mail “There is wreck in front of your place and I have a feeling you were involved.  Call me back.”  I did and spatted who knows what, but that I was ok.  Another friend text me to see if I was ok.  Reply – Yes, thanks for asking.  I couldn’t catch my breath and I couldn’t sit down.

I needed to get some air.

I started on a walk to the beach and as I walked across Pacific Ave. down the 2 blocks to the sand, I started feeling weird.

I veered from feelings of excitement to sorrow.  I thought about my girlfriend from college that had died while we were dating.  I thought about my loving girlfriend, Lea, that I spend so much time with now.  I thought about how much I love to be able to help.  I thought about how powerless I felt as there was nothing I could do when.

I needed to walk more.

I took a seat on my favorite bench as the sun was setting over the pacific ocean and took a few deep breaths.

I thought about my mom and my sister and her baby and my dad.  I thought about Lea.

I thought about how there was nothing that could’ve changed the events that had just taken place.  It was determined that he started having a seizure while driving, jumped the curb and never hit the brakes as he hurled his truck into the house. Nobody at fault.  No one to blame. A seizure.

What if someone had been waiting at that bus stop, like they do all day long.  What if someone had been walking across the street. What if the girl in the house that he hit had been close to that wall?  What if instead of veering right, he had gone left into oncoming rush hour traffic at 50 mph?

The thoughts made my stomach turn.  I thought it was good no one else got hurt. I thought that he likely could die from the injuries he had just suffered and that was not good.

“Is there anything else I could’ve done?”, I asked myself.  I didn’t like asking that question.

I called my Mom and as the first ring started, an angel appeared.

I met Whakapaingia David Luke 6 years ago when we both joined Santa Monica Rugby Club.  We won our first of back to back national championships that year and we probably spent 6 out of 7 days together.  Eating, training, partying, praticing, traveling..living together and we became fast friends.  I was there the afternoon he met his wife on the beach and I was in the house to help deliver his daughter.  To say he is a brother is an understatement.

Right when I needed someone to talk to that could hear me, in spite of my uneasiness and discomfort, there he was.

As I dialed my Mom, I looked up and Lucky, as his rugby buddies affectionately call him, said “Fancy seeing you here” with a great big smile behind the stroller a beaming Tahi, his darling daughter.

I wanted to cry.  I wanted to hug him.  I wanted to kiss his little girl.  I wanted to be alone.  I wanted to be next to my friend.

I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted..

But seeing him made it all better.  We talked for a while and retreated into my favorite restaurant, where I eat nearly every day for breakfast, but had never visited at night, and had a beer.  He called his wife to meet us and she was on the way.

He spoke to me as my friend.  While about 90 minutes had passed since I first heard the loud crash, I was only starting to realize the progression of time..that is, the time where we live.  Minutes are minutes and hours are hours.  For the past hour and a half, it had been a blur.  Lights..sirens..cars..horns..people, of all stripes, coming..going..looking..walking..muttering.

In all the words of empowerment he told me as he bounced his little girl on his knee, I only remember one thing.

“The universe doesn’t make mistakes.”

It made me feel better.

If I could have chosen anyone in the world to show up at that precise moment, it would’ve been him.  His smile and his overtly positive persona.

Perhaps the universe doesn’t make mistakes..

I felt I should probably call my Mom back, as she would’ve seen the phone dial earlier.

In speaking with her, her voice eased me.  Her tone and her tangible concern could be felt.  We talked about hope and loneliness and the path of a warrior.  We talked about how part of what makes me, me, is that it was my only instinct to run as fast as I could to help.  She went on to remind me that while that has great value, it comes at a tremendous price, for I would always be there first to witness the bad as well.  That was part of the deal but that I was equipped to deal with it.

My life has been always been full of the “front lines”.

We shared a laugh and she closed a much needed conversation with a quote from Emily Dickinson:

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune–without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

I felt put back together.  I felt capable and proud of myself, however still drained from the experience.

I walked back to my place with Waka, Sara, and little Tahi and made small talk.  Soon after we got home, Chris got home as well and we all shared inthe joy of watching an 8 month old look around the room and giggle.

Life.

Waka and his family soon left and Chris and I had a chance to talk.

Chris’s Mom was an ER nurse so he has first hand knowledge of the effects of witnessing human suffering and sickness.  We sat down for a few minutes and he eased me with his advice.  He always has a way of rationalizing things.  Breaking them down into separate parts so that they are more manageable.

We talked about accepting life and all that comes with it is in fact a part of life.  How accepting that fact can help one to understand and move positively through events such as those that just took place.  We talked about how part of my purpose in being able to help was “just being there at the man’s side, so he wasn’t alone.” We talked about how being emotional in the face of emergencies is important, especially when it involved another person.

Him talking to me was calming and comforting.

I suppose his ability to be a great listener and willingness to give sound advice is part of the reason I call him one of my best friends on this earth.

Its been nearly 5 hours now. I’m calm and tired. Drained.

I hope the fellow is OK.

I feel thankful for my Mom and my friends and my girlfriend and my rugby coach and little Tahi and this world.

I’m thankful I was able to help.